It’s about love

I was brought up knowing only unconditional love. Some of the first memories of love that I can recall are the ones of my mother. When she returned from work, opening the hallway door, I would run down and hug her. Her thick, fitted coat would be cool of winter air and her long hair would smell fresh from snow and shampoo. She was a beam of light and love for me.

As for boys, I fell in love with some over the years. Some of them fell in love with me. I experienced loving them, simultaneously. I learnt that love doesn’t come in one form or for one person only.

In fact, love is a feeling that overflows everything around you, rafts your heart away, takes you places. Love is not logical. It knows no limits, distances or conditions.

I have experienced the cause and effect of love. I know the difference between real love and comfort. I have chosen comfort at times and I have loved even in those relationships, the simplicity and ease that it has given me. Resting in someone’s arms.

But I feel love everyday. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, there is someone that is very special to me. We walk down different streets of the world and we go on our days, but I like to think, that in a way, we are moving in the same direction. If it takes us forever to get to the same spot, that’s ok with me. I am in love every minute of the way.

I am not afraid to love, as I know, in real love, I can not be hurt. Love heals what it has forsaken. I have cried for love only to end up with dry tears. Even in times of doubt, love comes to me and wipes my tears away, leaving me strong as an anchor in a stormy ocean.

I am a hopeless romantic. I cry from lyrics in song. From poetry. I bathe in nostalgia at times. I miss my ex boyfriends. One with which I shared 4,5 years of my life. He taught me a lot about love and I wish him nothing but the greatest love as he continues on his path.

Sometimes I give too much, too soon. Sometimes I give to the wrong people. Most often, I give without thinking about how it will be received. There is just no use in reading too much into my gifts, or into my love.

Love is energy. It is like a magnet that attracts, but then turns and repels all things free, leaving nothing but pure emotions.

Joy, truth, faith.

The opposite energy of love is fear. Were fear is, love can not fully blossom. Why are we so afraid to love? To let go? Why are we so afraid of rejection? Am I a fool to think that love will always protect me? The higher the feeling, the bigger the fall, right? How do we know the love we give, will be returned to us?

They say if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then it was there all along. If it doesn’t come back to you, it was never yours to begin with.

I see love.

In the flock of birds that surfs the mountain, or the curls in someone’s neck. I fall for  guys with that confident smile that tells me; they too, know the complexity of love. They too, have known love before I came along. And will know love, when I am gone.

I am not looking to belong to anyone, but live in a free mind. I want to be a butterfly that settles on a shoulder and sheds a smile onto a face. Sharing precious moments. Isn’t that what life is about anyway?

I know in time, I will unite with the butterfly that wants to share my journey. But for now, I am perfectly fine, with just this.

Loving life. Loving you, loving me. Unconditionally.

“This is not the sound of a new man

Or a crispy realization

It’s the sound of the unlocking

And lift away

Your love will be safe with me”

(Bon Iver, Re:stacks)