The Ferris wheel

Something is not right. I am not all right. But things around me seem to be.

It’s not like anything has changed. I still marvel over the beauty of this city. I am still utterly grateful to be here, surrounded by new found friends that I trust and care for. I look the same. I go to the same job that has taught me a lot, in its own special way. I still go out most nights of the week and I still believe every dish I eat is better than the previous and that each glass of wine is a reward to my taste buds.

So why do I feel sad? Like a lump in my throat that just won’t let go.

Maybe it is the season. The Scandinavian biological rhythm telling me that its time to go into hibernation, to switch off the lights and cuddle up inside. But everyone else is enjoying the sun, the braai’s (BBQ) and the beaches.

I feel totally out of sync. I never had Christmas. It doesn’t feel like December. And this year is about to finish. How did that happen?

Not one day has gone by this year that I have not seized, in one way or another. Still time has flown by as fast as a Ferrari on Autobahn. It has been an amazing ride. But I don’t want it to end. I will stay in Cape Town until March so there is really no need to start thinking of the chorus already, but the end of the year, is yet, an end…

But why is that?

I mean, New Years Day is just another day. Nothing changes over night. We don’t feel or act differently. Why do we have this need to divide moments into time ? Why are all things in life relative? What in our nature makes us seek control? To press stop and play, to try to fast forward and rewind. The need to pause and catch up with ourselves?

When life is one huge Ferris wheel. And we are spinning around and around…