What do YOU think about this blog?
My childhood friend and I went on a 55 kilometres bike ride to Hölick, a small fishing village in a nature reserve, out by the coast of where we live. It was a beautiful day, green and blossoming with scents of early summer flowers (occasionally obscured by the odour of animal dung) and a bright blue sky, albeit with moderate sunshine. We had picnic on the cliffs, to the sound of waves lapping gently against the rocks.
On our bikes home, riding uphill, my friend asked about this blog. She was curious about why I write and for whom? With panting effort I tried to explain that I mainly write for myself, as a way to grapple what goes on in my head and hopefully find meaning to what I do. It’s like I throw myself out, to be able to catch myself. It gives me peace, somehow. I have been keeping journals since I was 12, but blogging is different. I put more effort into it and I like the challenge of writing in English.
I tried to tell her, that I write about things that are valuable to me. Self reflecting and maybe a little spiritual, but not too much, so that I lose myself in it. I guess I don’t consider my old friends being interested in what I write. At least, they never tell me so.
Her question had me thinking (we did bike for a good 4 hours so there was plenty of time to ponder). I have been feeling a little off with the writing lately.
When I starting the blog I was inspired from all angles. The beauty of Cape Town’s mountains and oceans every day, the energy of the people and the smiles and the good food and the happiness and our inspirational talks under a limitless sky of possibilities. I was experiencing a life out of the ordinary. I felt on top of my world and I wanted to share to everyone what it was like.
Since I got home, well, I’ve been struggling with finding that feeling again. It comes to me sometimes when I am running and the smell of spruce and pine and fresh timber reminds me that this is where I come from, but that I can go as far as I want. It also comes to me when I read about extraordinary life experiences and people that have committed to their waves. It most certainly came to me on my flight home from the States. I was physically and emotionally flying above the clouds.
But then I land again, where I don’t feel I belong anymore, and I get restless and dispirited and I all I can think about is finding that focus again, where I feel I am heading somewhere continuous, both personally and professionally. I know I’m on to it, but sometimes I forget that it takes time.
Back to the blog. It sort of has a life of its own.
I don’t think about who is reading it, although some people have confessed they do, they never comment or say anything about what I write. Maybe they feel excluded, since I’m mostly just rambling about myself anyway.
My hope was to bring out some sort of optimism. Maybe I have failed to do so. Maybe I should keep some personal matters to myself, as it has proved to effect my relationships with others. A friend that I considered one of my closest was very let down by one of my posts, and is currently not speaking to me. That hurts but more so, because of the circumstances around it.
I have tried for so long to please everyone but it’s not the first time my foolish honesty gets me in a sticky spot.
- Should I take more into consideration what I write about?
- What should I include, and what should I keep to myself?
- What consequences may my blog posts have, today and in the future?
I guess after 10 months of blogging I have reached a point where I ask myself:
- What do people think of my blog?
I welcome your feedback – in English or Swedish! Whoever you are… 🙂
And if I haven’t told you before, I am grateful for you, taking your precious time to read, what little me has to say.