My life’s like a subway

It’s 2 am. I should sleep, I start working in 4 hours.

But feelings that I’ve held locked up for so long is slowly peeking out a crack in my heart. Don’t let it come apart. Not now.

Rosé wine with the gals. 4 inches high heels. Pussycat Dolls and I’m a Sexy Mama. Flashbacks and sassy tube tops. Sex and the City and girls just wanna have fun.

Britta: We go way back, babe. You know me. I know my dancing (and rapping 😉 made you happy tonight. I am sorry I don’t let it out as often these days.

Sofi: We’ve come into each others lives under strange circumstances. But not without meaning. You are loyal, like me and I won’t disappoint you. I’ll be there, just look over your shoulders honey!

Kicki: I’ve never seen anyone give themselves so fully as you did in the street dancing tonight! You’ve got the Power!

Sandra: Welcome to Stockholm. Please don’t succumb to the façade.

I didn’t know the year in South Africa had changed me so much until tonight when I walked down Stureplans finest street in cons and baggy pants. I’d left the girls outside Soap Bar. Tipsy and wiggly. Like everyone else I met with designer shirts hanging halfway out their over-priced jeans. And girls with handbags worth more than what a family in India makes in a life time. I saw the crumbling cover-up that the drunken haze usually conceals. Outside Riche I heard the chanting of champagne glasses and social networking.

You’ve come far, but you’ve arrived nowhere.

I plugged in my Ipod when I got to the subway station. You can say what you want about Apple, but this baby has been around the world. Asa, an amazing singer from Nigeria, filled up all the empty space that seemed to swell around me and her voice became the resonance of my soul.

Every day is not a holiday

My life’s like a subway

Oh I know this love don’t last

I miss so much and so many but just like stops on a trail, I have left them behind. Or are they riding with me, in the connected car that I can’t see?

Because after a night like this, when I felt completely consumed and alone, it really helped to find a message from a person I met only once, commenting on my blog:

“In a world gone mad with consumption and the superficial, it’s wonderful to tap into such beauty and wisdom, to know again, to be reminded, of what it’s all about.

To the Wonder and the Oneness of it all”

Let’s call it a night.