Life, comma, change, me

This will be the end of this chapter. You won’t tell the difference of course, but I will, since I am the writer here. There is a point, or maybe a comma, between what has happened in my life the last couple of years and what is happening now. I have felt this change coming for a while and I have tried to look at it straight in the eye, but change is relative and can only be looked upon from a distance. There is no use trying to understand, not now.

We often want guarantees in life but the only guarantee we get, is that there are none. There are a few things that are certain though and those are the ones we should hold on to:

Life is eternal.

Love is the greatest mystery.

There is nothing to be afraid of.

Everything that is happening in my life is my doing. Every thought I have is my reflection of another’s. Every feeling I have is my intention coming into experience. I can not blame anyone else for circumstances, or my interpretation of them.

I know this might sound like I am completely off the edge, but if I am, then don’t worry, I’ve jumped before 😉

But I’ve never cried as much as I have these last four months, for reasons beyond my understanding. As if I had swallowed the ocean, the tears have run like waterfalls. And every day I have cried and tried, between different jobs, cities, suitcases and temporary homes. I have felt completely lost, like I’d woken up one day and found the whole world changed. Maybe it has, but more likely, the world is exactly the same, but my perception is different.

Tears are blinding but they are also cleansing. Hopefully, I will have a clearer view from now on and find a better sense of direction. I am not there yet and I’ve said it before, love hurts so that we know we are at a point of potential change. Well it sure hurts, so change must be on the horizon.

I love him and I know he loves me too…

But if there is anything we love more, then it must be love itself. And that could just possibly be our doom.

This is the end of this chapter as well as it is a start of a new and a continuing of the story without ending.

More soul food from Kahlil Gibran:

If sorrow does not carry you in her womb,

if despair does not feel pain in giving birth to you,

and if love does not bring you into this world in its cradle of dreams,

your whole life remains a blank page in the book of the universe.