The power just came on after an hours’ cut. It was pretty nice. I lit candles around the apartment and took time to just lie on my bed and listen to the wind. But then the thoughts blew in and stirred up a storm again. I sometimes wish I could switch the power off in my head. Cut the cord to my emotions.

But we are energy transmitters with ongoing correspondent thoughts and feelings, connected somehow to a relentlessly running engine.

Thoughts and feelings are so entwinded it’s hard to tell which triggers which.

A negative thought produces negative physical effects on your body regardless if an event is taking place or not. Smiling is an example of an action that no matter the outer environment or circumstances always produces a feel good vibe, making us interpret the surroundings more brightly.

It is also proved that the mind can not separate what we see with our eyes open and what we see* with our eyes closed, making me wonder what reality is more real; the one we experience inside, with all its stimulation or the one outside, where we merely observe. Maybe it’s a mix of both.

(*Our eyes are nothing but a camera lens. It makes no judgement. Seeing is therefore debatable because it is followed by interpretations of our brain – so that we distinguish and “know” what we see. Although, “knowing” is something entirely different.

I didn’t mean to go so deep into this subject. Where was I? Oh yeah, here…

In this room. With candles burning on my window pane and the city street lights generating power for us not to get lost in the dark.

I took the “49 kronor” post off. I was in a bad state of judgement and I don’t want to risk the wrong people reading it. It made my dad call though to ask if I needed to borrow money and Ryan to offer to pay for the drink we are having on Sunday with his regular wit; “Scandinavian equality be damned”

I bought a silky peacock patterned dress for the money I re-borrowed. You only live (this life) once.