Life is a rollercoaster
I am standing in a glass bulb while millions of snow flakes whirl around me, like scattered pieces from the past; memories, glimpses, faces and places, they all come down on me now…
In the contrasts I make out the picture, I lay the puzzle and I watch myself emerge in the middle, like a film reeling on its own record.
It’s been an emotional roller-coaster of a year…
This year I have known absolute freedom and complete happiness. I have felt the sand silt between my toes, with the courage and strength of the mountains behind me and the ceaselessly calling ocean in front of me.
The first couple of months of this year I felt the kind of comfort that makes you feel at home. In a place. In the clothes you wear. In the eyes of the people you meet. In the way you act and the person you are becoming. And I am forever grateful for knowing that feeling.
I am also aware that the feeling had to pass. That I had to move to continue to grow.
This year, I have known absolute love and timeless pleasure. There are reflections pinned to a mind’s collage that no one will ever see, except the two that shared the moments, and even so, there are probably millions of ways of looking at those pictures, and even more ways of interpreting the meaning, but beauty often lies in the unexplainable.
It is what it is.
This year, I have known sadness and frustration. The second part of this year I felt really lonely although I had never before had so many friends close by and family support me. I felt rootless, restless and confused.
I lived at 11 places this year, of which 9 since June. During that time I memorized 8 entrance codes, lived at 7 different subway stops and stayed 6 weeks at the same place at the most. I only unpacked my suitcase once, for the period of 4 weeks I lived with the guys.
It was all my choice, but none the less, a confusing time.
But the good thing about our conception of time is that we get to press stop and play. We get to put an end to a year and a start to another. We get to reflect on where we’ve been and where we are going.
From a bigger perspective I know it’s all just my mind playing tricks with me. There is only Now. But what does that help when the feelings are catching up on me, when the film reels me in.
As I decide that the year is almost over, or the episode of the film is coming to an end, I have no regrets. I welcome 2010, be it uphill or downhill.
Uphill, my dear. You got no where to go but upwards.
And maybe a few less places to call “home.”
michael j
🙂
well, how fun would life be if we didn’t get to experience the lows. if we didn’t, then how would we appreciate the highs? plus, every low that we go through, we come out stronger and more experienced. not saying that i wish you downhills next year though… me, i’ve had a year of ups and downs as well, but all in all it’s been a good year. i’ve met some interesting people (you, among many others), almost finished school and listened to a lot of great music.
gott nytt år! vi hörs 2010!
r.
You are right Rickard! Some blessings come in disguise. 🙂
I am looking forward to 2010 and YES – more great music!!
Gott nytt från Stockholm!
I wish you nothing but the best in 2010. I really like the way you wrote this post. It was sad kind of but had such a nice up twist to it.
Thanks Joy and welcome!! I tend to twist things, like coins have two sides all emotions come with a double. So yes, the post may have a sad tone to it but all in all, I had a wonderful year full of emotions, moments, laughter and tears. That is life, isn’t? And life, I love. May 2010 bring you lots of JOY.
Terrific; another year passed, with no regrets, and only EVERYTHING to look forward to!!! I am toasting you in this exciting new year!!!!
What a great post! I wish you all the best for this new year 🙂 May you have great experiences, and even if you have some bad ones,may you learn from them 🙂
…You write so well!! 🙂