What if I leave…

It is 2 am and I am listening to music, up in my room.

The song “What If I Leave” by Rachael Yamagata, a singer-songwriter that my old house mate introduced me to when I moved in, just came on.

And I remember…

Early, pitch black, frosty mornings in October, walking to work, with a feeling that the rest of the world was either still sleeping or wide awake in some other place…

While I was treading the path between the new and the old, sad because I had lost all sense of belonging, and much of myself. And those lines…

What if I leave…

They gave me comfort somehow.

They reminded me of the possibilities that lay before me, disguised in the dark. I knew even when things seemed hopeless, I had a choice. And maybe, that is what kept me going all those groundless days.

So tonight, when the same song plays in my headphones and I look out at the peaceful and reflecting fjord and the midnight sun that barely breaks between the clouds, I know for sure…

That even if you leave, you take it all with you.

And there really is no other way to reach the light…

Than to walk all the way through the tunnel