Stepping Stones and Table Mountains

Cape Town is like the love of your life, you feel you’ve met too soon.

The place has a certain atmosphere, a spirit of old struggles and new hope. There is a creativeness and dialogue that is truly inspiring, a belief that you make your own happiness.

I’m not saying that there isn’t a big down side to this city and the country of South Africa; the gap between rich and poor, the extremely high crime rate and problems of aids in the townships. The corruptness, the unstable political situation and covered-up racisms. A country so wide and rich, but with so many people suffering.

It’s there. In one big pot.

And you look up at the breathtaking Table Mountain and wonder how she does it; watching it all, embracing it all and sheltering it all.

Someone told me Cape Town is a stepping stone. Yeah, I remember that feeling. For a year I felt like I was standing, swinging on a spring board, smiling at the endless possibilities that lay before me, but just enjoying the bouncing and dancing so much, I didn’t want anything to change.

And then the one year contract ended and I went home. I didn’t take any leap to anywhere, I just sort of stepped off. (It’s all there to read in the archive if you’re interested, from the first post.)

Since then I’ve been trying to get on again.

I had an idea and this is probably where I’m at these days, wondering about the ideas in my mind, how they have restricted me and pulled me and how I’m battling what is intuition and what is fear.

Anyway, one of these ideas was that I had some travelling to do, before I’d commit to something for real. Somehow, down the line of my movie I saw myself take a year or two off to just travel and not take things so seriously. When I say off, I mean myself. I was, and still am, tired of my constant need to justify my actions, my idea that I have to answer to anyone but myself.

How am I doing?? 😉

I don’t know why I keep seeing my future me, so clearly. I don’t know if it’s a gift or a curse. I don’t know if I should listen to the voice that says “this isn’t it” even when something seems cool at first. I don’t know if “this isn’t it” helps me to find “what is”.

But I know, I’m on to something.

Perhaps a stepping stone…