With a little help from my friends
Lately I have come across situations that have had me thinking about:
Help.
A friend of mine, who I regard as one of the most self-sufficient, well-organized and solution-orientated people I know, and who is one of my role-models when it comes to sticking out the hard times and keep moving forward, has had some back luck lately. She has dealt with more setbacks than anyone realizes.
As usual, it comes down to unspoken expectations. We all just assume she will manage. And she will.
But as the song goes, we “get by with a little help from our friends”.
And so while chatting on Skype I asked her how she was doing. I noticed a change in her “tone”. She wasn’t just telling me how difficult things were right now, she was silently asking for help. I found myself writing:
What do you need?
And perhaps because my question was so direct her answer was clear. She needed a loan. She needed money to pay the rent that was overdue, train tickets and food for the next days. She was literally broke. I didn’t ask if she had anyone else to turn to but she was rambling about ways she could make it work.
How much? I asked.
I know it took a lot for her to ask and maybe even more to accept the help that was given.
It seems asking for help is the hardest in times when we really need it.
Now this was just a financial agreement and although some might say I am probably not in a position to lend out money, it feels only right to give back. I trust that I will manage.
I
don’t know if I clearly ask for help but I feel like many people contribute to my life on a daily basis. I know I am welcome to stay with friends and I often do. I find most people around me to be generous. I know I often feel grateful, but not so often in debt (except to my mom where it is often a fact)
I am entering a new phase in my life where I will depend on my ability to ask for help. Basically because the things I will deal with are new to me. And even now, while just doing research I realize that I feel scared and stupid and would rather just stick my head in the sand, or escape to somewhere familiar.
Then I remember my friend who’ve I just helped. And I know, she is the best suited person to guide me through this.
And that my dear friends, is how it all goes round.
This is how we get by.
Ask and you shall receive.
A lot of personal growth expressed within this post.
Thank you. I hope so. And also, that I will bring this insight into practice – and better ask for help.
I’ve been there. It’s so hard.
Not everyone can read the signs. Your friend is lucky that you can.
Yes it is definitely hard to “read between the lines” sometimes. I think we have a hard time in general to express what we need, not to mention what we want, or separate the two.
Thank you for commenting!
Hi sweets:
Yes, so true. I truly stink at asking for help historically in my life. I always want to be the woman who has her shit together and isn’t scared of anything. Well, guess what? Many days, my shit is not together, and I am scared all the time lately. HOwever, I am getting much better at knowing, and then asking, for what I need from those in my life. And, it does feel amazing to give back. I think by giving, it does give to ourselves also, because when given gracefully and willingly, it comes from an open heart. I hope you are well.
Hi Vanessa! I am really well thanks! =) KNOWING what you need is definitely a good, first step. Also, trying to be as direct as possible and turn to people that want the best for you. This is what I am trying to keep in mind while struggling to get my own shit together 😉
If you are scared you are probably on to something important…keep going love.
Fina Helen, du är en sann vän, en som läser in och förstår. Ett klokt och viktigt inälgg, vi behöver alla bli bättre på att be om hjälp – när vi faktiskt behöver den och jag tror det hjälper om man har en vän som du! Saknar dig här hemma som en frisk fläkt, jag får lov att skicka iväg ett mail i dagarna så vi kan catcha up 🙂 Stor kram
Fina DU!! 🙂 Vad glad jag blir! Jag saknar dej också och den härliga stämningen i Aspudden! Du får gärna skicka ett mail, klart vi ska catcha up!! Jag vill höra allt om hur du har det nu och Thailand och framtiden! Stor kram! xx
Fint skrivet. Och en väldigt god gärning. Inte alla som skulle ställa upp så. Ser fram emot att prata med dig i veckan! Stor kram
Tack vännen! Jag ser också fram emot att höras och catcha up! Kramar tillbaks!