Wordless

I feel sickness lurking under my skin, and behind my eyes. It started already yesterday with a sore throat and that low energy-less state where you just can’t pin-point what’s wrong but you feel a thousand emotions at the same time.

Conversations about happiness, dreams and aspirations gets mixed up with a former colleague’s battle against cancer and the news that my childhood friend took his own life. I wish I had told him that he was my first love, that I used to watch the curls of his hair from behind my desk and that my heart swelled when he chuckled. I wish I had told him how special he was, that he made a difference.

We say so little yet we talk so much.

Sometimes I wish I could flip my head like a trash can and empty it from all the scribbled words and scattered thoughts, notes and papers that pile up in the box of my mind…

…let a fresh breeze blow away all the dust from the archive of old ideas, truths that have lost their meaning and plans made in the past.

I’d keep nothing but the stillness of my heart in the moment when you and I lay silently smiling and share the one thing that can not be explained.