Losing some luggage, catching a flight

I am back in Ubud for my last day in Bali.

I have spent too much of the day at this internet café, answering e-mails, messages, uploading photos, connecting with friends, catching up with what has been and getting ready for what’s to come.

I leave for Singapore tomorrow.

Three weeks ago, here in Ubud, I met an Australian named Mark who lives in Singapore and has a friend who runs a nice hostel in Boat Quay. I just got an e-mail from them confirming my reservation and Mark has promised to show me some of the city’s best bars. Being my first time in the city, we will probably start with a Singapore Sling at Raffles.

I need to decide where to go after Singapore…but somehow I just can’t think about that now.

I am still here. In the town that I fell in love with instantly.

I attended my last class at the Yoga Barn yesterday.

It was a Thai Yoga class where you worked in pairs, and gave each other massage and attention.

I coupled up with a cute little girl from Jakarta who is here to study healing.

We bent and twisted each others limbs, massaged and pressed on muscles and sensitive spots and although it was a little awkward to get familiar with someone so fast, by the end of the session there was a position when I should hold her, much like a mother comforts a child, and little by little I could feel her breathing slowing down and her body becoming softer and heavier…

I could feel that she trusted me.

And we could let go of our fear.

It only lasted a moment, but it is what I take with me from this trip.

We walk around with so much tension.

So afraid of letting people in. To be vulnerable. To be human.

I think about conversations I have had and how they relate..

The cool, strong dude who admitted that he was afraid of losing love. The shy English guy who said he was afraid of himself. The forty year old American woman who has spent the last six years writing about the choices that women make to have children or not. Too afraid to make her own.

And I think about my own fear…

The heavy backpack I am carrying with so many things I don’t need, literally and figuratively.

My attachment to things and thoughts.

The discomfort I feel in my back, my longing for balance, for a deeper breath, for peace.

It’s so easy to see the signs in others but so hard to look within.

Whatever weighs me down; I need to let it go.

So that I can fly on.