The journey, home, into my heart.

We closed down the café under a pink September sky, and walked slowly along the river bank. As we came to the point where our paths parted, she gave me one of her big warm hugs and looked deep into my eyes, and said:

You did great!

She reminded me of that first meeting we had in June. Me, as her new manager, she as my employee, soon to be colleagues, and now, dear friends and soul sisters.

And it struck me, that it was finished.

Summer was over. My task was complete.

The constant changes and challenges, the many decisions I had to make, the negotiating and mediating, the lessons I had learnt and the price I had to pay.

It brought a sense of both satisfaction and sadness in me and I’m not sure why, but it was one of those moments when you suddenly become acutely aware of everything around you. You see details you have never noticed before; the presence of the moon, the fleeting  form of clouds, the buzz of insects, the beauty of a dying day.

All the things that had happened, suddenly felt like fiction.

I’m back in Stockholm!

I left Oslo! I went to Bali! 

I changed career! I started my own business!

My brother had a baby! My best friend got divorced!

I turn 34 years old a week from now…

It got my head spinning on all the crazy experiences and encounters that my life consists of.

The fact that I am sharing apartment for a few months in Bredäng with a girlfriend that was once my colleague at THE THIEF hotel in Oslo, that a friend I made in Bali showed up at the café yesterday, that I am making plans to organize a retreat in Gothenburg with my childhood friend from Hudiksvall.

Everything just seemed so intricately connected, like the finest strings of an infinite web.

And myself, the spider, spinning stories, creating my life.

I was struck by a sense of melancholic wonder, and thought for a moment who I could possibly call or share this notion with. I searched my inner register of amazing people I call friends. Messages and missed calls I could follow up on, people far and way I could reach out to.

But the truth was, no one could fully understand.

No one, but myself, could or should possibly take this moment’s magic away from me.

So I savored it. And used it as my inspiration to write tonight.

Not because you are reading. (No offense, but that is secondary)

But because this is my journey.

And no matter the encounters I make along the way, the scattered glimpses of clues…

Only I will ever be able to see the full glory of my inner unfolding. 

Home, into my heart.