What I learnt in 2016
As the year is approaching an end I, like so many others, feel a need to reflect.
Let’s see if I remember how to…
This time last year, I still kept this blog going. I still shared openly, intuitively, creatively, vulnerably.
These days it seems all I share are ‘inspirational’ quotes and Facebook events.
I don’t even know how to begin reflecting on the last year (not to mention the last 9 years cycle which begins just as I started this blog, but I’ll save that for another post)
There are dots to connect. Clues to discover. Rooms to revisit.
I start by glancing in at the beginning of 2016…
I learnt that it was possible to fall in love with myself.
That I could love the feeling of soft cotton fabric against my skin, the fullness of my hair, my hips, my womanhood. That I was the most magnetic when I was relaxed, receptive, trusting, soft.
I learnt how it feels to be in my Divine Feminine power.
And it changed my life.
I learnt that I had so much to unlearn.
I was attending Women Circles, committing to my Health Coaching studies, joined a Conscious Business network, had a private mentor, connected with really interesting people and attended all kinds of self-exploration workshops and events around Ubud.
And the deeper I went the more I realized, it wasn’t about learning anything new, but about unlearning the old.
A lot of seeds bore fruit, a lot of happiness swept in and I felt on top of the world.
I learnt that everything was available to me, as dreams I had years ago were coming true.
I got a feel of my creative power.
I learnt to keep going, to stay committed, accountable and brave enough to shine.
It was magic.
I learnt that starting a coaching business meant a lot of time in front of a computer!
I learnt that I had a lot to learn about finding balance between work and play, and still a lot of fear and attachment around how other’s perceive me.
This is truly when I decided to commit to my own business, but I still had no idea how.
I learnt how great the contrasts of my life are as i travelled from Bali, back to Oslo, via Rättvik, home to Hudiksvall and finally landed in Stockholm.
A journey that also took me from great confidence to a period of sadness and sickness.
But I learnt to still trust the process and to embrace support.
I learnt that being back in Sweden challenged everything I thought I had achieved.
I learnt that I knew nothing about how to make sense to people back home, much less make be of service to them.
I learnt that there were many processes to be had, and that it was a messy, emotional and extremely frustrating journey.
I learnt that the women in my life were my pillars and the only ones that ‘got’ me.
I discovered that my business were taking a new direction than I had initially foreseen and that it really was about acknowledging the potential in women as leaders. I felt as if I had found a treasure, but still didn’t know how to share it.
I realized how quickly I fell back into old patterns at home.
I worked too much, was unhealthy, and really doubted myself.
I learnt how difficult it is to change when your environment stays the same.
I remembered that summers in Sweden are often bittersweet to me.
But I managed to stay committed and got my coaching certificate after one year of studies.
I learnt that you don’t get rid of fears, you only find new ways of relating to them.
Somehow, I kept going, made adjustments and although I wasn’t making huge changes, I kept moving forward.
I learnt that a Masculine structure and schedule really supported my Feminine flow and started to really feel more at peace and fully aligned in my personal leadership.
I learnt to say no. To make space. To take a break. To enjoy again. And to dance!
And from there, I was able to reconnect with that feeling I had in the beginning of the year, even though I was in another place.
I learnt that there was so much to appreciate, and that the right people and circumstances were right in front of me.
I learnt to dive in. To start anew.
To create my own workshops and programs and trust that they would serve someone.
I only had to start. The confidence that came from this was amazing!
The response was instant.
I was far from perfect, but I had something to offer.
I felt more like myself than ever, bridging different worlds and finally stepping into my service, as a Women’s Coach.
I had already realized that I was able. That I was ready. That I was enough.
Support was pouring in from all angles.
I learnt to trust and receive.
I learnt that ‘putting myself out there’ didn’t need to be overwhelming.
That I always had choices. That it really is about the small steps we do everyday.
I learnt to own up to who I am.
I learnt to trust that I am of service to others by being of service to my soul.
I learnt that amazing opportunities open up to me when I allow.
I learnt that life will continue to challenge me and people, not to mention my closed ones, will trigger me, so that I can be even more sure of myself and my mission!
As I glance back at 2016 I acknowledge myself for my bravery.
I learnt that everything has led me to where I am today.
And that there is no other place I’d rather be.